I have been a fan of Steve Harvey’s for years.
I loved the original Kings of Comedy, and faithfully watched the Steve Harvey Show for years.
Nowadays I listen to his radio program every morning on my way to work, and his book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” is definitely on my list of must-reads.
Recently Mr. Harvey was on Oprah promoting the book.
One of the things he talked about really struck me as a single woman.
Steve believes women have set the dating bar way too low.
We have no standards anymore.
Harvey tells Oprah, “Women talk about [how] chivalry’s dead. Chivalry’s not dead– it’s just not required anymore”.
Again, he’s right.
Dating is tricky- it’s exhausting, and really isn’t that much fun- not for me, at least.
I hate those first few initial dates… everything is all formal and uncomfortable…
Inevitably, just as I’m starting to feel ok around Mr. Wonderful, as I’m getting to know him better, I begin to realize…
He really isn’t all that wonderful.
Back to the drawing board.
It gets exhausting, and at times it’s hard to keep my chin up.
I find myself wondering if the problem is me… am I asking too much?
Steve Harvey believes that women need to have strict standards… and that we need to stick to them.
Personally speaking, I have 3 iron-clad requirements:
- He must have his own transportation
- He must have a job- and currently be supporting himself
- He must have his own place
I think my 3 criteria are pretty basic…
… But you’d be amazed.
Seems that looking for someone who has a car, a job and his own place puts me into the “picky” category.
I don’t want to date a man who lives with his parents- this inevitably means we have to spend all our time, when not out, at my house. Some days I don’t feel like cleaning. Sometimes I don’t feel like being the host. It’s nice to have options every once in a while.
I don’t want to date a man who does not have his own method of transportation. I am not willing to do all the driving anytime we go out or just want to see each other.
I don’t want to date a man who cannot support himself.
I am a single mother- I have to take care of myself and my 2 daughters.
I simply do not have the means or the energy- let alone the inclination- to take care of a grown ass man.
I have too many responsibilities of my own.
None of my requirements seem unreasonable to me… afterall, I am not asking anything of anyone that I, myself, do not have.
I have my own place.
I have my own car.
I have a job, and I support myself.
Yet, when I try and explain to people that these three requirements are non-negotiable with me, I am called a gold-digger.
After a while, I find myself making excuses…
“Well, we are in a recession… times are tough… it’s not so bad that he lives with his parents…”
“The job market sucks… unemployment is really high… it’s not so bad that he doesn’t have a job…”
The problem is that while lowering my standards I am increasing my odds of actually landing a date- I am also drastically decreasing my chances of finding someone I can respect… someone whose company I can truly enjoy… someone I feel is worth getting to know.
So many of us need to remind ourselves that a relationship is not the end-all-be-all in this world.
It’s not necessary to our survival.
Let’s stop lowering our standards… let’s stop being afraid of being alone…
… And let’s show the men out there that we are women worth working hard for.
Thanks to Steve Harvey for reminding me that if chivalry’s dead, it’s only because I have killed it.