Sometimes I do completely ridiculous things… you know, the kinds of things that would embarrass a normal person… and as a result am served with a reminder that I am not nearly so brilliant as I like to think I am.
Life in my little apartment tends to run on the hectic side, especially when my beautiful black-women-in-training are home with me… and that fact is the only excuse I can find for this particular incident.
I had decided one evening that we would be having something for dinner than consists of ground beef.
I keep my meat in the freezer, but hate using the microwave to defrost it, as my microwave sucks- when I attempt to defrost meat in there, even being careful to use the appropriate defrost settings, the result is usually that half the meat gets cooked completely, while the other half remains frozen.
So I have instead taken to filling the kitchen sink with water, and putting the meat in there. I have found it defrosts nicely- quickly and evenly- that way.
This particular evening, I guess I was in a hurry, as I decided to fill my sink with piping hot water to submerge the ground beef… I can only surmise I must have been rushed, needing it to defrost extra-quickly.
Once I turned the sink on, I have no idea what the heck happened.
Did I get sidetracked? It’s possible.
Regardless, for some reason, after turning the water on, I simply walked away- I have absolutely no idea how long I was gone- only that at some point, as I was sitting in the living room, I realized that it was awfully muggy in my apartment…
… Suddenlyr realizing… “Shit. I left the water running in the sink!”
Running to the kitchen I find that yes, indeed, I had left the water running… and had managed to flood out my entire kitchen.
Water was overflowing out of my sink, had completely flooded my countertops, and was making a powerful waterfall down onto the floor…
… Which to my horror, was currently holding every bit of 3 inches of water.
At this point I should tell you that my entire apartment is about 12 square feet… and truly, if I’m exaggerating, it isn’t by much. How I was able to sit in my living room for several minutes without hearing the water running is beyond me.
Initially, seeing the mess I had made, I was paralyzed… in shock… and must have just stood there, in the doorway, mouth agape for several minutes.
It wasn’t until I felt water creeping under the carpet, beginning to soak my bare feet as I stood there that I actually began to move.
I immediately sprang to action and ran into the kitchen…
… Which probably wasn’t the best of ideas… remember my bare feet?
The water, of course, was scalding hot, and I burned myself. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen doing a strange burnt-feet dance, hopping up and down, “Ow! Shit! Ow! Shit!”
Finally, dazed with the pain of my burning soles, I was able to reach across the room and turn off the water.
My next stupid decision came when I decided, obviously without thinking it through, that I should unplug the sink, and let the water begin to drain.
Not really a good idea when the water that’s in there is boiling hot.
I believe I suffered third degree burns on my arm from reaching deep into the sink and pulling that pesky plug thing out, allowing the water to drain.
With this task complete, I half-hopped, half-danced back out of the room to survey the damage.
How the hell do you sop up 3 inches of water when you only own maybe 5 towels?
Simply put, you don’t.
I know this because I tried. I threw every single towel in the entire house onto the floor, and watched helplessly as none of them made a single bit of difference.
Now what am I going to do?
Around this time my 10 year old diva saunters into the room.
I am ashamed to say, the only response I could muster was a panicked, “Shit!”
Unphased, The Diva asks again, “What happened?”
To which I again exclaim, “Shit!”
She tried very hard to keep from outright laughing in my face… but watching her struggle not to… kind of woke me up.
I called my friend ‘T’ on her cell phone, who both lives and works at my apartment complex.
I explained, completely over-wrought, what had happened, and asked her what I should do.
She initially suggested towels… but quickly shot that idea down after I explained that there really weren’t enough towels in the world to clean this mess up.
‘T’ decided this was a job for Maintenance.
I have to let some stranger into my house, so that he can not only know what a complete idiot I am, but see the evidence with his own two eyes?
This is my life.
I hung up the phone, and dutifully waited for maintenance to arrive…
While waiting, my ever-so-helpful Diva proclaimed that she’s hungry… I stared at her blankly for a moment, eventually telling her that I was in no mood to physically swim to the refrigerator to get her anything to eat, so she would need to wait.
After about 20 minutes, the maintenance guy showed up.
God love him, he was very sweet, and didn’t call me an idiot or tell me how retarded I obviously am even once.
While he was sucking up the water from my floor (he filled and emptied his shop-vac bucket at least 17 times), I could do nothing but stand there, saying, like a robot, ever other second, “I am SOOO sorry”.
He would merely smile and say, “It’s no problem- really”.
Finally, his job complete, he left.
I again apologized for causing so much trouble, and breathed a sigh of relief that I was not, in fact, going to have to build an ark for my beautiful black-women-training and myself to sleep in that night.
I got dinner on the table, and quickly put the whole episode out of my mind.
A few nights later, after powering on my laptop, I found a lone message from my friend ‘T’.
“The maintenance guy thinks you’re hot”.