Cell Phones, Customer Service and a Maniacal Me

One of my pet peeves is crappy customer service. I have no patience for bad service- every day at work I deal with some of my company’s largest, crankiest and downright evil clients- and if I can be polite, happy, cheerful and eager-to-please- so can everybody else.

Dammit.

I lump customer service experiences in which I encounter rude people, overly condescending people and complete idiots all under the same heading of “bad service experiences”.

I was online today, perusing my cell phone bill when I happened to notice a “one time charge” in the amount of $10.69.

Well what the hell is it for? Can they not be a little more specific?

I called my cell company, who shall remain nameless… *cough* T-Mobile *cough*… to enquire about this mysterious fee.

After having to key my telephone number into the automated system 27 different times, I finally got a live person on the line. The guy who answered immediately asked me for- you guessed it- my phone number to “pull up” my account.

Really?

Cuz that’s what I thought I spent the first 7 minutes of the call doing… why else was I keying my stupid number into their system?

Whatever.

So I give the guy my phone number- again- and he politely asks if it’s ok to call me by my first name.

No problem.

I went on to explain that the reason for my call was to get to the bottom of this mysterious charge I’m seeing on my bill. He asks me to hold while he researches the issue.

Cool.

He immediately, upon taking me off hold, asks me if it’s ok to call me by my first name.

Um… did we not go through this part already?

Yes. Call me by my first name. That’s fine.

Next he tells me that he has determined the cause of the $10.69 charge.

It’s a…

One time charge.

Really? Huh. I had no idea, considering that’s exactly what it says on the stupid bill.

I can read, you know.

“Specifically, sir, what is the one time charge for?”

Unfortunately, he doesn’t know. He puts me back on hold for ten minutes.

Coming back on the line the first thing he asks me is, “Ma’am, may I call you by your first name?”

Oh. My. God.

Once we’re past that part again he asks me, “Did you order any new services?”

“No”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. If I had ordered new services, would you not be able to see that in your system?”

“Oh yes ma’am, you are correct. So I am going to credit you $8.27”

Um… that’s nice, but the charge was actually $10.69. Why am I not being credited for the full amount?

He tells me the additional $2.42 cannot be credited because it is tax on the initial one time charge.

What the hell…? Tax on the bogus charge you’re crediting me for?

Unacceptable.

I was a little unhinged by this point and told the man that my bill is exactly $80.72 each and every month, and he will not make me pay even one flippin’ penny more than that. Got it?!?!

What he said next may very well have been a fatal mistake, had we been in the same physical proximity to each other… “Ma’am, settle down”.

Say what?

I’m not a violent person normally.

He continues, saying, “I understand your concerns. If you don’t mind remaining calm and holding for a few more moments, I will further research this issue”.

Alright, let’s think about this. He is likely in the Philippines somewhere and I… well, I’m stuck here in middle America… even if I caught the next flight out to strangle his skinny little neck I would never have enough time to make it back to the office tomorrow morning… at least not on time and unnoticed.

I have a headache. My teeth are clenched, my hands are balled into tight fists… and I am beginning to sweat.

Very unattractive.

Several minutes later… “M’am? Thank you for holding. First, may I call you by your first name?”

I’m going to kill him. I’ll shove my sleek Pearl Gray Razr down his little throat- sideways– the little punk.

“NO! You may not call me by my first name! In fact, you may not call me anything at all.

Just give me my fucking credit!”

ROAR!!!

Finally he gets it… “Oh, I see. You want a credit for the one time charge of $10.69?”

Yea.

That about covers it.

“Ok m’am. I’ll take care of this right away. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Not unless you can get me a vodka and lemonade on the rocks… and hold the lemonade…

Stat.

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2 thoughts on “Cell Phones, Customer Service and a Maniacal Me

  1. LOL – I am just like you. However, not sure what makes me madder, bad customer service or when you receive non at all. (Being ignored or put on hold forever)

    “Tax on the bogus charge” – Now that was funny!

    Dave

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