The Myth of the 3D Glasses

I need to have a word with this Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana chick, as I have unwittingly had to dedicate the better part of my weekend to her.

The reason for my despair is the showing of Ms. Montana’s “Best of Both Worlds” concert in 3D on television tonight.

I, of course, have heard nothing over the past 24 hours other than my daughter’s incessant wailing- “We just have to go get the 3D glasses! We have to!”

Well I tried dammit.

I looked everywhere for those stupid glasses and have come to the conclusion that they do not exist. There is not a single store in the entire metropolitan area that still has them in stock, and no one in the city- or elsewhere, for that matter- has any more of the TV Guide issues that supposedly contained them either.

I heard a rumor that Wal-Mart had them… so I called the store closest to my house.

“Yes, I’m calling to see if you have any more of…”

The person on the other end of the line didn’t even let me finish my sentence.

“No m’am, we are out of Hannah Montana glasses”

“How the hell did you know what I was calling for? I didn’t even get a chance to tell you…” I was sort of surprised. Wal-Mart employs psychics now?

The lady just laughed at me, explaining that every single call she has taken over the last 48 hours has been an anxious parent in need of these elusive glasses. She happily informed me that no one has them, and that they sold out the first day they came in.

I think the dumb glasses are a myth, and I’d bet a week’s salary at this point that it was all just a publicity stunt… an urban legend that will likely be debunked first thing Monday morning on snopes. Millions of parents all over the country will come to realize that they were the butt of the newest Disney joke.

My daughter’s watching this much-anticipated concert even as I type, and by the way she’s acting, you’d think this teen sensation is currently in my living room- in the flesh.

I am absolutely amazed at Disney’s ability to take a kid, slap a wig on her head, and somehow turn her into an entire industry.

Sigh.

I’m in the wrong damn line of work.

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