Farts, Humping and Stripper Shoes

Ahh…

Kids do and say the darnedest things, don’t they?

Yesterday as I was preparing dinner my three year old came over to me. She pulled me down so that my face was even with hers… I’m thinking I’m about to be told something very important.

“I farted. Jealous?”

Yea.

This morning while dropping both my daughters off at daycare (it’s summer break, but momma’s still gotta work), one of the teachers complimented me on the brown shoes I was wearing.

She told me they’re cute…

Before I could thank her, The Diva (a.k.a. my oldest daughter) jumps into the conversation.

“Yeah, but that outfit would be so much cuter if she’d have worn her stripper shoes”.

Huh.

I promptly, though blushingly told her that “stripper shoes” is not an appropriate term, especially for a nine year old.

She responded by saying, “Why? That’s what YOU call them”

Whatever.

From the mouths of babes, right?

So I’m at work, and my co-worker tells me she had to whup her son- he’s six- the other day.

He asked a girl if she would like to hump him.

Wow.

Does he even know what humping is?!?!

Yep, sure does.

Upon learning that her son has propositioned a classmate, my co-worker is mortified.

She wonders, “How did my son learn this word? How can he possibly know what humping is?”

She fearfully asks him all the necessary questions…

Has anyone ever touched him in his privates? No.

Has anyone ever said anything sexual in nature to him? No.

Alright, at least it doesn’t look as if he needs counseling to heal from being molested by some deviant…

So how does he know what humping means?

He saw it on TV.

My co-worker’s brother, who watches the little boy while she’s at work during the day says he learned it “from the pedophile on Family Guy”.

Ok, I have to admit- when I heard that- I snickered some. I love that show!

My co-worker beat the child silly, and promptly put her brother on punishment.

Nevermind that he’s 42.

The next day, she instructed her son to tell his father what he had received a spanking for.

His response?

“I did something private”

Apparently he almost got another beating… not only does he know what humping is… but he knows it’s private and therefore inappropriate…

Now if that ain’t a man in the making, I don’t know what is!

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3 thoughts on “Farts, Humping and Stripper Shoes

  1. Note to self: no more watching Family Guy or Simpson’s in front of the kids. *sniff*

    It’s just now becoming apparent to me that Donovan will remember AND repeat every swear word/phrase, insult, and traffic error I ever let slip by in his hearing. It must only be when faced with a five year old that parents finally grow up themselves. 🙂

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