Piss off, Orlando Brown

Most of you probably have no clue who Orlando Brown is. I know I didn’t- at least by name- until I saw his picture. At that point the recognition was instantaneous, cuz he’s that kid that plays Raven’s best friend on my daughter’s favorite TV show “That’s So Raven” on the Disney Channel.

You know, the one with the dread locks…

Yep, that’s him right there (Photo courtesy of www.blackvoices.com).

Ok, so apparently he went missing earlier this week. He was at his manager’s house and left to go to Seven Eleven, which was right up the street. From there he vanished. Everyone was worried. We heard from his family and friends about how this was so completely out of character for him… he always keeps in touch… something horrible must have happened. Struck me as a little strange that despite all his friends’ and family’s concern, they didn’t report him missing. His manager did.

Whatever. I won’t pretend to understand these Hollywood types. For all I know, that’s normal protocol out there.

His manager even had the media outlets posting her personal phone number for people to call, just in case John Q. Public happened to have any information on his whereabouts.

Wait- I have to stop and ask- why did that lady direct people to contact HER and not the police, considering how convinced everyone seemed to be that the guy had met with foul play? Is that another one of those Hollywood things?

You’re right. Doesn’t matter.

Regardless, a day after he disappeared, Mr. Brown emerged. He was fine, and perfectly healthy- no foul play involved at all. He released a statement to the media. Seems he left on purpose. Claims he felt “lost”, and needed to get away to clear his head.

Why, you ask? Don’t you worry- there’s a reason!

It seems Ol’ Orlando had been set to headline for a big act at a local club. He was pretty excited about it too- until the owner called him and told him he had been replaced. His services weren’t needed afterall. 

Orlando-poo got his poor little feelings hurt. He decided it was time to make a statement on behalf of performers everywhere about how horrible entertainers are treated these days.

Hmm… red carpet treatment not enough for ya? Daily swag and free stuff coming out your ears not doing the trick? Big fat bank account not keeping you warm enough at night? Oh, the travesty.

I guess he’s one of those rare entertainers with an inflated ego who thinks the world would stop spinning without them in it. So he decided to show us peons just how bad off we’d be without him!

Yeah.

Let’s recap real quick:

He disappeared. On purpose. To pout. Oh- and to communicate to the rest of us dummies just how difficult life as a star in good ol’ Hollywood actually is.

Alright Orlando Brown. I got your message. Loud and clear. This is what you’ve told me:

You are a selfish spoiled rotten brat (normally I’d put a few expletives in there, but I’m going to give him a break- I mean, he’s on the Disney Channel- I don’t think it’s appropriate to curse when even indirectly referring to Disney). In spite of having only mediocre talent (and believe me, that’s being generous) you have made millions of dollars- money earned from the very industry you claim treats you so badly. You feel justified in making your loved ones worry… Your babified stunt caused the folks in law enforcement to stop solving murders and looking for legitimate missing persons and such, instead causing them to waste their time looking for you. You should be ashamed.

If you don’t like your job, don’t like the way your employer treats you, why not do what the rest of us mere mortals do and QUIT? You, better than most, can afford to do just that.

Above all, get a life, would ya?

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